Our friend, Mohammad, lost his father this last weekend. My condolences and sympathies go to him and his family. May Dr. Barkeshli rest in peace. at 4:41 PM by negar

Rash
Negar is obsessing over a rash that has appeared on her left upper arm and shoulder overnight. She has been busy trying every medication she can get her hands on. I tell her she's making it worse but she won't listen to me so we decided not to discuss it anymore. I thought while she's googling the causes and the treatments, I would write something here. I can't think of anything decent though. I was going to write about an Iranian short story I read years and years ago but I didn't want to explain what made me think of it. I would be "embarrassing myself!!!"
I say, let's just wait till the rash clears up! at 7:21 PM by negar

Driving Slow on Sunday Morning and I Never Want to Leave
I really would like to write something but I'm calm, content and at peace with myself. I can't write when I'm like that! at 6:38 PM by negar

Happy Birthday Asad!*

*this was supposed to be up this morning but I overslept and woke up at 2:00 PM! at 2:04 PM by negar

The place I call home
With Nasy (aka ME) possibly moving from SC, PA to SC, CA, I've been thinking if there's a chance that I could move from CS, TX to another CS. But I can't think of another CS. After all not many places have a name as exciting as College Station! You know how it got that name? College Station is a college town (duh!) and like most other college towns, there was first a college then a town built around it. So in the old days when the train (which still passes through the campus godknowshowmanytimes a day) stopped here, the conductors walked around shouting "college station" and that's where the name comes from. Inspiring story, isn't it? Well I think it's much better than State College where the mentioned above lives. At least it has a story with which you can bore people to death. Nevermind the fact that CS is located in the middle of nowhere and if you drive for 7 hours in any direction, you will still be in Texas! Well actually "in the middle of nowhere" isn't a fair statement. 2 hours to Houston, 2 hours to Austin, 3 hours to San Antonio, and 4 hours to Dallas. Maybe it's not that bad. In fact it has "tourist attractions" like George Bush (the senior) Presidential Library. And while you think that's unimportant, consider what happens when God forbid (!) something (!) happens to him. (Do I not sound like the voice over of Duracell's TV commercials?) We will make the headlines and better yet we won't go to school for a few days. Not that I'm looking forward to anything like that. I'm a very nice, decent person!
Oh, and the people of College Station. They're mainly good looking, rich, nice, educated and white! Just the place to be if you're into blondes. Not many immigrants though. The Iranian community with 40 or 50 people is more like the Iranian gang. A gang which I'm very proud of for preserving the rich Iranian culture by never missing a single piece of gossip!
Anyhow, I'm not the competitive type but if Nasy goes to another SC I MUST go to another CS. I've had so much fun in the last four and half years in CS, TX that the thought of going to another CS gives me butterflies in the stomach! Find me a CS. Quick!
p.s. The IKEA catalog just came in the mail. Now even I can sit in my bathroom with an IKEA catalog. Refer to the post of April 11th. at 4:32 PM by negar

not strong enough
Driving around aimlessly, I catch a glimpse of you on the sidewalk. I try not to slow down but I think I do it instinctively. My heart thuds. My cheeks burn as if on flame. I hold the steering wheel firmly just to stop my hands from shaking. I can feel a lump forming in my throat. And all I can think of is "so much for quitting you." at 6:34 PM by negar

Quitting
All those in favor say aye. at 2:06 AM by negar

Not so sure about posting this
I tend to despise women who
1. talk on the phone all the time, wherever they are.
2. are mad about malls and shopping.
Hmmm, maybe I despise women in general.
(not really. just most women)

Confession:
I just read this post and realized that I sound like an arrogant bitch. Perhaps I am one. at 3:25 AM by negar

8 Rules for Negar and Others
- When you say "brb" to someone and they answer "tyt," that doesn't mean you can return 3 hours later and say "back." Neither "be right back" means "i'll be back in a few hours," nor does "take your time" mean "yeah, come back whenever you feel like it, I'll be here for the rest of my life."
- Never say "I know you wouldn't make such a horrible mistake" unless you're sure that person has not made that mistake. Never do that. You only hurt their ego. Sometimes people are not as smart as you assume them to be.
- When talking to people face to face, always think twice before saying something. You don't have the option of sending a winking smiley or saying "jk" right after you say something horribly mean or rude.
- Don't send people mixed signals. Just don't.
- When someone compliments you, acknowledge the fact that you understand you are being complimented. Even if that makes you uncomfortable. Ignoring people's compliments is very inappropriate. Very.
- Optimism is a character trait, not a virtue. If you're an optimitst, it doesn't mean you have the right to look down at the pessimists or try to convince them to change.
- If you think your close friend is making a big mistake you can tell them so once or at most twice. Keep the rest of it to yourself, please. And don't try to sound witty by making sarcastic jokes about what you think is a mistake. Sometimes what you think simply does not matter.
- Avoid making general rules. at 1:14 AM by negar

Books
Writing this made me go back and try to remember the books I had read back in Iran. Some of the books I really admired back then, I couldn't remember anymore. So I'm reading them again to see what was so good about them. I really liked to wait till I finish re-reading The Catcher in the Rye, The Last Temptation of Christ, Of Human Bondage, The Trial, The Stranger and The Gadfly, then write this post. But I'm trying hard not to be the perfectionist I am known to be, so here it goes.
Number of books I own: I have no idea! I own hundreds back in Iran (if the mice haven't started chewing on them yet) and I have maybe 40 - 50 books here.
The last book I read: I think it was either Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes or Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club. I was reading them together and I can't remember which one I finished last. Since then ( 6 weeks ago or so) I've been re-reading old stuff.
The last book I bought: Fight Club
Five books that mean a lot to me:
I had a really hard time coming up with a list. There are many books I like a lot but I couldn't tell how much they meant to me. I mean the question is worded in a way that doesn't let you throw in any book you happened to like for one reason or another. This is what I came up with after a lot of thinking. Some of them really mean a lot to me, the other I simply like.
1. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka: A while ago a friend of mine tried to get me to tell her what Kafka meant by that story. I told her I couldn't. I don't want to make philosophical conclusions. I want it to simply be a story about a man who "woke up one day from uneasy dreams and found himself transformed into a gigantic bug."
2. Sorayya in a Coma by Esmail Fassih: This is in Persian. Well actually Esmail Fassih rewrote it in English a year later but obviously the Persian version is better. It's about a man who visits his comatose niece in Paris at the early stages of Iran-Iraq war. Probably the best book written about the Iranian immigrants.
3. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho: Even though I've given up reading the signs or understanding the Soul of the World in order to reach my Personal Legend, I still love that book. I re-read it every now and then. Great tale, even if you refuse to believe that the whole world is working to move you in the direction of your Personal Legend.
4. The Great Gatsby by Scott Fitzgerald: I haven't read it since high school but I'm still fascinated. I guess I just like it when everyone dies at the end!!! ;)
5. Daddy Long Legs and Dear Enemy by Jean Webster: I think it's been a decade since I first read them and I still think they are both brilliant. I admire the style and always wish I could write such a thing.
I'm very tempted to add Jose Saramago's Blindness to the list but I'm not sure if I can say that book "means a lot" to me. By the way, there was this book called Ghiaam dar Koodakestan (Revolt in kindergarten?) by this Swedish author whose name I don't remember. I loved it as a kid. I read it over and over and over. That book definitely meant a lot to me but I can't track it down. Has anyone else read that book?
Tag 5 people and ask them to do this on their blog:
Anahita ( I know she's very busy but I tag her anyways because I'm an inconsiderate person)
Linda
Hesam
Pendar
Mohammad
P.S. I know I'm overlooking a large number of Iranian books that mean a lot to me. I just figured that it wouldn't tell you much about me if you knew none of the books I listed! at 12:53 PM by negar

OUT!
I've got so much to write about but I don't feel like writing. So I'm going to put everything in one post.
1. Iran - Bahrain game was great. I'm really excited about Iran being the second team qualify for World Cup 2006.
2. I disagree with Asad on Fight Club. That book is a satire and it's not meant to be taken literally.
3. I'm probably going to Houston next week to vote in the Iranian presidential election only because the boycotting parties have been getting on my nerves.
4. Is there anything cooler than the Doodle IMVironment on Yahoo! Messenger? I think not.
5. Watched 6 episodes of the first season of the Office and I'm waiting for the rest of it to come in the mail. I can swear the voices in my head talk in a very British accent now. I might need to turn on the caption.
6. Did I mention that I watched Crimson Gold and Ten a few weeks ago? Well, I did and I especially liked Crimson Gold. I loved the sequence at the big apartment and slightly disliked the sequence with the male and the female character on the bike. I think she started and/or finished every line with a pleading Hossein Agha! Give him a break woman!
7. As I'm writing this last item, I'm talking to a friend who doesn't know I have a blog. She agrees with me when I tell her that blogs are cheesy and bloggers are screwed up! I'm telling her about my blog now. She's gonna be here in a second! OUT! at 11:34 PM by negar

The Office
I've been watching the first season of the Office today. I wonder what happened to the American version of the show. I just saw the pilot a few months ago and then forgot about it. From what I heard, the ratings for the show were really low. Well I guess the popularity of the original series is partially, if not entirely, a result of its politically incorrect attitude. Things that you can't air in the States simply because the media is generally conservative. But then that doesn't mean the American version always has to turn out cheesy. I personally like the American Whose Line Is It Anyways far better than the original British show.
Anyways, back to the Office. I had watched a few episodes in various classes but my sister was watching it for the first time and her first impression was "I never thought the British could be so funny." Frankly me neither.
So far my favorite character is Tim. I just love it when he teases Gareth. You guessed it, I hate Gareth. He reminds me of the pathetically dumb kid who sat in front of the class back in 7th grade and never learned anything. Never managed to say anything without mumbling. Never joined my gang of troublemakers. Ok, maybe Gareth is not that bad! I'm just still mad at that classmate of mine!!! And then there's David Brent. You won't believe this, but I wish I was just like him. He's the most ridiculous person ever. And he doesn't mind what everyone thinks of him. I want to grow up to be David Brent!!! Which is not too far from my childhood dream of becoming a clown. at 12:31 AM by negar

I hate
with all of my heart and I'm so damn proud of myself for doing that! at 3:31 AM by negar

Kinsey
Warning: This post contains spoilers.

I watched Kinsey yesterday.I liked the film but I have no clue how accurate it is. Among the user reviews I read, there were quite a few angry ones that claimed the film does not portray the facts. But then there's always the question of how real cinema should be or even if it has to be real. Anyhow, I'm writing just to say there's a hilarious scene in this film I just loved. The picture is from that very scene. Clyde (a bisexual student/colleague of Kinsey) is sitting with Mac (Kinsey's wife) and talking about his sexual relationship with Kinsey, saying that he's now attracted to women and he wants to end it. Kinsey overhears the conversation, walks in and interrupts by saying "that's perfectly ok" or something like that. Then Clyde turns to him and goes "thanks, I'd like to have sex with Mac." Hilarious moment! I think I giggled about it up to the end. Kinda reminded me of "let's play Hump the Hostess" in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. at 11:18 AM by negar

Spider Web
Sometimes when I get bored, feel empty and lost, or wonder how I ended up here, I go back and read my old posts. Tonight I was reading my posts from last June when I came across this one which I wrote on June 15, 04:

The Stranger within Me
I'm not inspired enough to write. I've written quite a few posts this past few days but they all turn out to be cheesy. I know I have to wait. Wait till all the excitement is gone. Till I return to my old self. To the self that I understand. The one that I can deal with. Right now, I'm a stranger to myself. When I read my own posts, it's like reading someone else's weblog. I know I must wait... Bear with me.

And it broke my heart to realize that a year later, I'm still a stranger to myself. That the excitment has gone away only to be replaced by despair and frustration. That I never returned to my old self. My old self was burried in the heat of the summer, not to be revived ever again. I loved her. Admired her. She was tough, strong, rational and calm. Everything I no longer am. I'm stuck with a stranger I still refuse to accept as me. The stranger who knows failure, humiliation, and . . .
I'm so tired now. Tired of not knowing what to do next. Tired of confusion. Tired of rejection. Tired of obsessing over things that don't belong to me. Tired of the self-pitying person I've become lately. Tired of my ranting about life on this blog.
Honestly, I'm tried of this blog too. at 11:05 PM by negar