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Wednesday, December 31, 2003 It's 10 minutes to 2004 and I don't know where my counter has gone. I suppose it's on vacation. Happy new year to everybody:) at 11:47 PM by negar Oh, the joy of not being invited anywhere! I can't wait to share it with someone!!! at 11:42 PM by negar This is the condition in which I receive the mails sent to me from Iran: 
It looks as if it has barely survived the WWIII. at 1:11 AM by negar I'm not the greatest Iranian blogger. I'm not a popular American blogger either. But I do happen to be the most popular french blogger today!!! I'm going for the German title now! at 12:33 AM by negar Sunday, December 28, 2003 I watched Kate & Leopold(2001) last night. It was a below average romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan and this other guy! Anyways...there was a quote I liked: "This whole love thing is a grown up version of Santa Clause." [It's a myth that we read and hear so much about, that we come to believe]. at 1:20 PM by negar I'm not calm. I can't be calm. I constantly walk around the house, from this room to another, from this coach to another. I breathe heavily and hear my heart beating. I know I should do something to calm myself but I can't manage to sit still and think. Yes, it's very sad that 10000-20000 people have died. Yes, it's very depressing that the rest are sleeping outdoors in freezing temperature. However, what hurts me more is the fact that I'm so far away from all this. Somehow I feel guilty for being where I am. at 12:58 PM by negar Saturday, December 27, 2003 I never watch Fox News. Today, however, I was flipping channels when I saw images from the earth quake so I paused for a few minutes. First they said something about earthquake(very short) and immediately started talking about American hostages in Iran and Iranian "terrorists" all over the world. They were implying that Iranians are a bunch of terrorists whose lives are worth nothing. The life of one victim of mud slide in CA is worth more than the lives of 20000 Iranians, since they turn out to be terrorists anyways. And a terrorist must die. Right?! Damn you all in Fox News. at 7:58 PM by negar This morning for no reason I thought of Kafka's Metamorphosis when I was showering. I asked myself "what would you do if you woke up one morning, just to find out you've turned into a cockroach?" at 12:20 PM by negar Friday, December 26, 2003 He asks why I cry for the city and not the people. That's because I'm selfish. I cried for the city only because I wanted to visit it someday and now I can't. I love my people, but first of all I'm madly in love with myself. Or at least that's what they say... at 6:35 PM by negar Last night when death was flying in the skies of Bam, looking for a place to land, I was in a movie theatre, watching Mona Lisa Smile. From what I had seen in the trailer I told everyone that it's probably a romantic comedy. It was neither romantic, nor comedy. It was a very slow paced, I-wanna-look-intellectual movie. The story itself was a huge celiche. A new teacher goes to a school where everybody is traditional and close minded and starts protesting and blah blah blah. It very much reminded me of Renaissance Man. Only in this one Julia Roberts plays the teacher and a bunch of good looking girls are her students. When you walk out of the dark room, you still don't understand what were the intentions and obsessions of the characters. I shouldn't be unfair though. It's not a bad movie. It's a good attempt to bring up new issues like cultural changes in 1950s and it's also a nice start for Julia Roberts to quit repeating her Pretty Woman character. To save a few dollars, we sneaked into The Last Samurai. It wasn't a masterpiece but it was well made. Edward Zwick is a good story teller and once again he proves that fact. Tom Cruise was Tom Cruise: Wild, charming, and heroic. However he did put a lot of effort into speaking Japanese and I obviously don't know how successful he was. The supporting actor, Ken Watanabe, who played the big Samurai was good though. I haven't seen many films this year but I think he deserves a nomination. What else? Oh yeah! I didn't like the ending as much as the rest. I don't want to ruin it for anybody so I keep this part to myself. at 2:54 PM by negar I'm writing this with tears rolling down my face. I woke up not long ago and the second sentence I heard was the news of Kerman's quake. I'm crying like a baby not because up to 10000 of my people have died but for the ancient city I never saw. For the city that I longed to see and it's not there anymore. For the wish that never came true. For all my wishes that may never come true. at 10:47 AM by negar Wednesday, December 24, 2003 ........................................................................................ Tuesday, December 23, 2003 ........................................................................................ Monday, December 22, 2003 Today was supposed to be rainy. It's almost 4:00 and I've seen nothing but a bright, hot sun and white clouds. I miss the rain. I think it's been 10 days since the last time it rained. I wonder how I lived in Tehran all those years with such few rainy days. at 3:50 PM by negar After a while today I checked our mailbox. It was full of warm air of Texas. And nothing else. at 3:45 PM by negar He asks me if I'm hesitant to write political. I'm not. I just don't have anything new to say and I hate to repeat others. I'm also tired of politics. We, Iranians, are too political. We sometimes forget about other things. Things that politicians say become more important than what your loved ones say. Some people even don't watch a movie unless it has a political message. Music, literature, and art in general have to be related to politics in some way. For instance I know some people who simply don't like American music but when it comes to Nobel Peace Prize concert they become a big fan of Gloria Estefan and Tim McGraw. From now on they listen to anything these two sing because they've paid respect to Shirin Ebadi. That's what I call too political. I wanted to write more and edit this but I gotta go to court or police office or whatever it is for my ticket! at 1:46 PM by negar Yalda is supposedly just a minute or so longer than the other nights but last night felt like a year to me. I kept waking up to see if it's morning yet and damn it, it wasn't. It was dark as hell. I prayed for the sun to come out. Eventually it did but I had fallen asleep by then. at 12:47 PM by negar Time flies. A few days ago I was worried about Yalda. Now it's a thing from the past. It's something to remember on the days that you feel lonely or just bored. This was the third Yalda in Texas and I think it turned out to be the best. Everything seemed perfect. Or at least it did to me. at 12:47 PM by negar Sunday, December 21, 2003 I don't want to ping. What's the point? Hello world, I have updated my blog, please visit me? No, unless I write something worth reading, I won't ping. Yes, that's my new policy. Who's gonna complain? at 9:32 AM by negar Saturday, December 20, 2003 I'm not a big fan of romantic comedies. ABC Family says "we make love fun" but I don't see how love is funny or fun. Anyways, I watched one last night. Picking up and Dropping off. It was about a divorced mom and a divorced dad (duh!) who met each other at the airport everytime they were dropping off or picking up their children. Their gates were next to each other everytime; I don't know how's that possible in an airport like Denver's. Not minding the fact that each time their flights were on the same day and the same time. At the end of the film, the two got together and kissed (again duh!) while two or three Christmases had gone by and none of them had aged and the children were just as young as the first scene. Sometimes a small dosage of reality is needed to save the film. at 4:02 PM by negar I see him after ages. I've heard he's moved to Canada so I message him and we talk about his school and mine, his major and mine, etc. We had never been close friends so we talk about regular stuff. Does he have roommates? Yes. How many? 20! Are they Iranian? No. Not even one? No. These kind of things... The second time I message him after I read his blog. After a few minutes he decides that I have inspired him and posts something about our conversation! First I think he's a weirdo. Then I think maybe I don't wanna go to jail after all! Maybe I'll just stay out here and motivate people! at 2:54 AM by negar Friday, December 19, 2003 Since my last day of finals I've lost my interest in writing! I open this page, put my fingers on the keyboard, stare at the screen, and try to think of something to write about. But my mind goes blank. Now that I have nothing to do or worry about, my mind goes blank. I write a few lines, then press Backspace until it's all white again. I write, post, then click on edit and delete. What the hell is wrong with me?! I should be happy, right? But I'm not. There are 3 things on my mind and they are ruining my first days of holiday: 1. I have promised a friend to call and get his GRE scores a week ago 2. I have again promised to show up at Judge B's office for my ticket on or before Monday. For this one if I don't do so, I'm gonna get arrested for ignoring the law. How fun! 3. Sell back my books! It takes no more than an hour to do all three but I rather have cops arrest me so I don't have to apologize to my friend and I don't have to carry my books around and sell them for the best offer. If I didn't write anymore, come visit me in jail. Thank ya'll! at 11:42 PM by negar Thursday, December 18, 2003 I don't know what goes on in the mind of people who forward things to each other! Not once or twice a week, 2-3 times a day. They somehow think it's their duty to make mailboxes over quota. Sometimes I get tempted to block them but I think to myself they are my friends and that would be rude of me. The forward function is not bad by itself. Sometimes I do get amusing and amazing stuff, but most of the time they are crappy poems about friendship, love, blah blah blah. Usually the last line says that if you forward this to 50 addresses your wish will come true at midnight and if not your eyes will go blind instantly. I can't imagine how someone would fall for that! Once in a while, when I get something interesting I do forward it. But I don't send it out to every person I know. I just forward it to a few people that I suppose would like it. Sending anything to anyone is not a good idea. Why did I bring this up? This evening I had 8 new messages and they were all forwards. I rather have 0 new messages. at 6:10 PM by negar Tuesday, December 16, 2003 I wrote to my favorite writer, Behruz Turani and asked what's wrong and why he's not writing anymore. For the first time in the past few months he completely ignored my email. Noch, noch! Bad Mr. Turani!!! at 3:08 PM by negar Monday, December 15, 2003 I watched a stupid film the other night (Don't ask why!). It was about a boy who had lost his dad in some accident and the dad had been incarnated into a snowman. It was supposedly a Christmas movie but I thought to myself if he was turned into a turkey the movie would be perfect for Thanksgiving. Or if has cute enough to be incarnated into an easter bunny, it would work for Easter as well. Or a flag pole for Fourth of July, a wizard for Halloween, a red rose for Valentine's, etc. Dear directors and producers, If you made a film and then realized how crappy it was, dig a hole in your backyard and burry all the copies. The humanity and history of art will be thankful to you. But if you've made a bad movie and you don't know that fact... Why on the earth are you even allowed to walk into a studio? at 11:59 PM by negar Being in an association is good as long as you are just a member. As soon as you become an officer it gets exhausting. Parties and events turn into big responsibilities that you are constantly worried about. Or maybe it's just me! Take Yalda for instance. I've been thinking about it for a half semester. Now that it's just a few days away, I realize we have done nothing! Other officers were supposed to reserve a room and they haven't. Two of them are too busy studying, and the other one has disappeared. I'm guessing he's now on the other side of the border, selling the logoes we had designed for our association! What's the point?! The point is that four adult Iranians, no matter where in the world they are, can't work together! Not that there's any conflict; no, there's no communication! None! No face to face talks, no phone calls, not even an email! I wonder if other Persian Student Associations are like this! at 11:40 PM by negar I was reading some former aggies' blog when I saw this big ad on the page. BlogIran! Apparently it's American bloggers for regime change in Iran. Great! The last think we needed was two republican aggies fighting for us! Just kidding. It's nice to see that we're not alone. However I still believe in reforms rather than regime change. We tried it once and it didn't work, right? at 10:13 PM by negar Sunday, December 14, 2003 retroviruses, transposons, DNA methylation, histone acetylation, pseudogenes, prions, lytic cycle, lysogenic cycle, RNA splicing, polymerase, mutagens, blah blah blah! I mean why would someone want to spend the rest of his life, trying to come up with more terms? Let's forget all about evolution and go back to our good old creationism. Can't we do that? Please! at 11:44 PM by negar Once upon a time there were three little pigs who lived peacefully in the wilderness because all the wolves living around there had converted to Islam. at 11:34 PM by negar A stranger emails me and says we're all in a gang and that's why we should stick together! That scares me. You know how many gang members get killed every year? If you know email me, because I don't! Until I find out then, I'm into gang business! Whoop! at 1:42 AM by negar My parents believe in vitamin therapy: everything ( almost everything ) can be cured with vitamins. Maybe they're right but it really turns me off: - I'm tired... - Have you taken your vitamins? - I don't seem to remember anything about that... - It's because you don't take multi vitamins. I just read an article on the effect of vitamin X on memory... - I can't see well sometimes. - Uh-huh! Lack of vitamin A. You don't eat your vegetables! - [sneeze]! - Vitamin C! Sometimes I think vitamin producers all over the world have signed a contract with them. How much do they pay you mom?! I pay you twice dad! Just next time I run into something or hit myself*, don't tell me that I should take calcium tablets. *According to my sister's health professor, some people are less safe than the others. They run into trees and doors; they hit, cut, and burn themselve; all kinds of falling items land on their head; and so forth. A famous example would be Tom from Tom & Jerry and an infamous one would be me! at 12:30 AM by negar Saturday, December 13, 2003 It's getting cold down here. Just a week ago everybody would wear T-shirts, shorts, and sandals. Now we have to accept the fact that winter is coming...oh how much I hate cold weather! It's been a few days that my mom is under the impression that I'm sick. I don't know if it's because I'm the youngest (and the most spoiled) or that I was always sick as a child. Anyhow...she thinks either I have a cold or I'm very close to catch the flu. I insist that nothing is wrong with me and sneezing is a sign of health! Now I'm concerned that I might get sick. In that case she's gonna keep saying "I told you so" And I know I will tuck my head under my pillow and yell "You know what?! You guys made me sick! I was perfectly fine!" See? Bad girl! I sentence you, Negar, to 12 hours of non-stop biology reading...no that's not enough... add to that 4 hours of Film Studies and 4 hours of Anthropology... at 11:45 PM by negar Now I think I'm internationally famous! I've had viewers from all over the world! Japan, Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Italy, Sweden, Netherland, etc. If you want my autograph please contact my personal agent. Due to the high number of requests, it may take up to 14 weeks for your personalized autograph to be shipped. at 2:02 AM by negar Friday, December 12, 2003 Nope! I don't feel like writing anymore. For now if you're bored just read the headlines in yesterday's link. If you're not, email me! I'd love to know that someone visits my weblog for reasons other than being bored. at 9:41 PM by negar Thursday, December 11, 2003 Today she comes and asks me why I'm not writing anymore! I ask her when was the last time she checked, she says a few minutes ago. I say "I've been writing everyday these past few days." She replies "but I can't see anything. Not even your archive". All of a sudden I become very depressed thinking that I have been writing for myself all this time. "Isn't it [the address]?"she asks. I look at her as if she has just asked me if the capital of Iran is Santiago. Turns out that months or years! ago I've made that blog but never, never used it! at 3:57 PM by negar Wednesday, December 10, 2003 I find it stupid when I hear people blame Islam for Iran's problems. And it's more pathetic when they try to separate and eliminate their Muslim part from their Iranian part. Yes, Arabs attacked Iran and yes they somehow forced their religion on us. Big deal! Get over it! It's been many years since then. By "many" I mean around 1200 years. The truth is that we've been Muslims all this time and it's part of our culture. It's part of our nationality. As Mossadegh said "We are Iranian AND Muslim". Just look at our names (well, not mine!) most of them are Arabic. Look at our language, see how many Arabic words you use in 1-2 sentences. And can you imagine how much Arab blood runs in our veins?! Let's assume none! Yes, let's assume we are all pure Persians and our true faith is Zoroastarian. Let's erase the past millenium from our history and start all over again with Cyrus the Great. What's going to be left from our "Iranian" culture which we're so damn proud of? What's going to happen to Hafez, Sa'di, Rumi, Khayyam, Nezami? What's our "great" country without Isfahan, Shiraz, and Yazd? We like it or not, Islam is a part of us. If you say it's not, you're in self denial. We're fighting for democracy; we're fighting for the separation of church and state; let's not make it a war against Islam. It's as stupid as the war of clerics against Pre-Islamic Iranian culture. Let the individuals decide how they fight. Let Shirin Ebadi be the first Iranian and ALSO the first Muslim woman to win the Peace Prize. One day if you became as good as her and won such honor, do whatever the hell you wanna do! Go out and campaign against Muslims and have them all killed or sent to some other planet. But now just sit quietly and let Shirin Ebadi be Shirin Ebadi. at 9:32 PM by negar Last night I went to my room and saw that my mom has moved my bed. Now I sleep facing Ghebleh (Mecca). I think she's got a feeling that one of these nights I might go to bed and never wake up, which is possible. Right? at 3:31 PM by negar Tuesday, December 09, 2003 Don't you wish you could make paper planes out of your assignments and let them fly to your professor's office?! Oh, dear Santa! Make this wish come true for the students all over the world. Amen! at 9:12 PM by negar For those of you who think you're so unlucky that as soon as you enter the highway the rain gets heavier: Hello! It's the car in front of you that's spraying all that water into your windshield. at 9:37 AM by negar Monday, December 08, 2003 For some reason Eteraz (The Protest) by Masoud Kimiaei is listed as an "award winner" in DVD/VHS retailer websites. Either because it has English subtitles, or because it was banned in Iran for some time. Or maybe some people think it should have won awards. But this movie is a nothing. Kimiaei's other lousy films like Mercedes and Soltan seem like masterpieces in comparison to this one. It's simply annoying. The scenes with the students look like campaign commercials made by freshman filmmaking students. The only basis for casting the students is their appearance. Each one looks directly into the camera, and delivers his/her line with no attempt to put some sensation to it. Tell you the truth, I fast-forwarded most of these scenes to prevent myself from smashing the TV screen. Amir, Dariush Arjmand's character, is portraited as a saint who has killed his sister-in-law-to-be with very "good" reasons (she had been cheating on his brother). He's mad at everybody because nobody has thanked him for his dutiful, virtuous, honorable, moral, noble deed. Foroutan (playing Reza, Amir's brother) is way too young for the part. He looks about 28-30, and supposedly Amir has been locked up for 12 years. In that case he has been 17 years old when he was engaged to the victim. It just doesn't work out. The woman we see Reza kills at the beginning is no way younger than 17! The characters have no credibility what so ever. Parsa Pirouzfar talks senselessly and cries like a baby. I still don't understand what is it he's so obsessed by, except for drugs. You see?! This happens whenever directors want to address every issue and every problem. Love, marriage, family values, politics, freedom, contradicting generations, drugs, social rankings, financial problems, freed prisoners, etc. Add to that judging between right and wrong, moral and immoral. It's simply a bad movie and doesn't qualify to be called an award winner. Actually it doesn't deserve English subtitles either since no foreigner would understand these concepts anyways. I myself, as an Iranian, don't get it! A few more like this and Mr. Kimiaei has ruined his career forever. Thank God he knows that and hasn't made a film in the past 4 years, maybe to save himself some reputation. For the sake of Iran's international status, put this movie in a category by itself. Name it "Huge failures with English subtitles" and remember that anything Islamic Republic government bans is not necessarily good. at 2:44 PM by negar My name means "to deny" in Spanish. Like it's not weird enough. Related word: Negative! Now I have an excuse for being pessimistic sometimes! at 11:05 AM by negar Friday, December 05, 2003 This is frustrating! I put a comment in Hoder's blog. He emails me about it, I email him back. Next day I get an answer but it's coded in base64, so I have to decode it. I spend some time decoding it just to find out he hasn't been able to read my persian script. I check my persian script and it's obviously Unicode! I give it another shot. I go to a persian email sender and write him again. I press send and the next screen says: Your message was sent to negar_k@yahoo ."What the hell?!!!" So I go back and type Hoder's address in the right box. This time it takes half a minute to send my mail to the right place. I sigh and say "yeah! finally!" A few minutes later I check my mailbox and yes! Ofcourse it has bounced back! For whatever reason... I'm not superstitious but now I believe Hossein has put a curse on this email!!! at 11:09 AM by negar Thursday, December 04, 2003 -Are you making love to me?! How many times have you heard that? -I have never heard such a thing! -You have NEVER heard a woman say that to you? [300 people laugh] -No! I'm sure she knew! [300 people say "ooooh"] This was an actual conversation between one of the guys in my film studies class and our professor. She was talking about the cliche "Are you making love to me?" in Hollywood movies and also in The Player which is supposedly an anti-Hollywood film. Honestly that was the first time I heard it too. at 10:07 PM by negar Polytheism- Con: There's no way you could keep up with all these names and relations. Who is the son?! Who is the mother?! Who created whom?! Who is fighting whom?! Who was kicked out of the "gods and goddess's club"?! It's impossible! Pro: If you make one god mad, you can go to the other one and seek shelter. Or if one god does something unfair to you, you go to another god or goddess and complain. at 9:26 PM by negar I just missed the free premier of The Last Samurai. I totally forgot about it because I was trying to figure out what major I should choose. It's ironic; thinking about what I want to do later in life kept me from doing what I wanted to do in that moment. Now that I have neither chosen a major, nor seen the movie, I feel like...like someone who has spent a whole evening staring at the wall. at 12:54 AM by negar Fire and Ice Some say the world will end in fire; Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To know that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice. -Robert Lee Frost (1874-1963) This reminded me of another poem, starting with something like "My love is to ice, and I to fire..." but as usual I don't seem to remember the rest of it. at 12:37 AM by negar By the way, what's the whole not voting thing?! It's funny. We want democracy but think that democratic ways are boring and useless.That's right, this is not a free election but voting itself is a democratic process that we should take advantage of. We don't want to repeat what happened 25 years ago, do we?! We're no smarter than our parents. at 12:25 AM by negar Wednesday, December 03, 2003 What is Hoder thinking?! I like the idea, it's fun for sure. But what's the use of it?! -Government, I mean the whole ruling system not the executive branch, knows what's going on in Iran. They know really well how detached and isolated they are from the people. They just don't care. -Reformists(real ones), intellectuals, students, and writers also know what is happening. As a matter of fact they know better! They just can't find a way out, and I don't blame them. It's not as easy as Hoder thinks it is. -Most of people who have access to internet are living in urban areas and are in the heart of incident. It's explaining the obvious. It's like telling someone who's drowning: "Hey, you are drowning!" Duh!!! -The least informed are the people living in rural areas, villages, towns, small cities. I assume that's half of Iranian population. It would be a nice idea to buy each household a desktop and an internet connection because there's no other way they could find out about the "Dream Project". -Iranians outside of Iran will be the best target for this project. Those who have lived here for a long time and still care about Iran, will read the ads. Some of them will become surprised, some will show sympathy, and some will think the young generation has gone nuts! But what will they do?! I mean what can we do?! Still I think that's a fun idea. If we don't mind spending time for something impractical, we should definitely do it. Who knows? It might have an unpredicted outcome. at 11:39 PM by negar  You are Wintergreen. You are cool and collected. You are very comfortable with yourself and what you do. Even if you have a lot of responsiblities, you always manage to be in control. You are sometimes laid-back and you are always the voice of reason. However, others may see you as lazy or detached sometimes, unable to act responsibly. Most Compatible With: Lime Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You? brought to you by Quizilla at 10:14 AM by negar Tuesday, December 02, 2003 I'm writing this post while I'm lookin at a guy who's also writing his. I'm very tempted to go up and ask him the name of his weblog but I think that would be too rude. Right now he is holding his head in a very depresssed way. He keeps going back and changing his post. Dude...I wanna know what he's writing!!! at 6:58 PM by negar I was watching VH1 the other day. There was a show about the worst fashion choices celebrities make. One of the interviewees was a frizzy, black haired young woman. My sister who's passing by says "Wow! She is SCARY!" I think to myself she looks Iranian though! But I don't say it out loud because of the previous embarrassments! Turns out this one IS actually Iranian: Atoosa Rubenstein (that's her husband's lastname), the editor-in-chief of a teen fashion magazine called Cosmo Girl. She's also an editor in Seventeen as I understand. This is the best page I found about her so far. P.S. According to this one her last name is Behnegar. at 11:24 AM by negar "Are you Iranian by any chance?" "What?" she asks. "Are you originally from Iran?" I repeat. "From where?!" "Nevermind" "No, where did you say?" "Iran" She gives me a blank stare. "Eye-ran. You look Eye-ranian" I almost shout. She says "No" and looks away. As if I have asked her if she keeps dead bodies in her fridge. It's obvious from her face and color that she's from somewhere in Middle East but I don't insist anymore. Let her think she looks totally American! at 10:57 AM by negar One advantage of knowing a language with a different alphabet is that you can make cheat sheets and nobody can prove you've been cheating! at 10:42 AM by negar
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